I am mostly writing this one for the future me... when days are hard with our daughter I want to remember how hard it was to wait for her. However, I am also writing it because adoption is not easy and to only write about the good parts would not be entirely truthful. God is faithful and if I didn't have His promises and previous obvious signs that this is what He wants for us I would probably not be holding it together.
The travel date assignments were moving a long quite well in the fall but they have slowed waaaay down. Only 2 families have been given dates since November!!! It's usually about 2-3 a month. We were originaly told between February and May would be when we would most likely travel. I am pretty sure that is not our timeline anymore though. The last person I heard that is traveling and has approval already is traveling in the end of March. So that means we probably won't travel until April at the earliest. I have also read though that April is a Thai holiday month and the adoption board doesn't usually see families during that month. I know if you are not in the process of adopting you are thinking "WOW, so May that's really soon." BUT it is not soon to us. She turns 2 on May 20th and I am having to accept that we will probably not get to be with her for her birthday. Now there are always things with adoption that don't make sense. Some people get more notice than others but for the most part we won't travel anytime in the next 2-3 months. I am just so ready to meet and hold our little girl. I have had VERY real dreams where we never get to travel. Now my reasoning side knows that isn't true but the emotional side of me feels like it is. I am trying to enjoy every day with our family knowing that once we bring our daughter home it will be very hard for a long time. I am trying not to wish time away which is something I have been very conscious of with our children. I don't want to wish their lives away. However, it's pretty hard not wish time away right now. Gavin and Makayla talk about their sister all the time. They pray for her quite often. I love their innocent faith that God is going to let us go get her soon. It often humbles me.
There is no happy ending to this post. I just want our little girl. That's pretty much it. I have a sign up in my kitchen that says "Be still and know that I am God". Some mornings after I send Gavin to school and before Makayla wakes up I just stare at it and try my best to let that soak in. To let God calm my soul and my heart.
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Amanda, I just love your posts. How true it is that adoption is not easy. It is actually very hard being patient and waiting on God. Kind of going through the same thing I totally understand. We don't even know who God has planned for us yet and just knowing it may take another 2-3 years scares me. My heart aches each and everyday to be called mom. So I know how you feel when you say you are wanting to wish time away. Just think in a few years from now we won't remember any of the heartache. Just know David and I pray for you and Darryl often in your adoption journey. I pray that you guys are blessed with your Travel dates very very soon!! I love reading your journey. Please keep the post coming!!
ReplyDeleteBekah
It is so hard and I know you understand. I pray for you guys also.
DeleteI have dreams about never traveling too. :( Not happy, but relying on God works!
ReplyDeletethose are the worst dreams, aren't they. It feels so real and horrible. Waking up is such a relief
DeleteOh, Dear Girl! I know EXACTLY how you feel. I was there. Right there. It's ok. Give yourself plenty of room to be sad, to pout, to wanna be mad at SOMEBODY...and a year from now you'll have to do what i just did: search thru old blog posts to find "the one when I was feeling so far away from traveling, and so sick of feeling so far away..." And you'll read it and thing "oh yeah, that was really hard" and you'll go into your daughters room and check on her, and kiss her head and hope she doesn't wake up, cuz even though you love her like crazy, you're also glad she's sleeping =-)
ReplyDeletelove and prayer to you in this wait,
joy
Thank you so much! It's good to know it's normal. :)
DeleteWhining is perfectly acceptable and, I think, encouraged. Can you imagine if you have to keep a fake happy face on the whole time?! This stretch of wait that you are in...waiting for travel approval...was THE hardest part for me. Unmet expectations were almost the death of me. I'm so sorry that things are not working out the way you were told they would. It seems the officials in Bangkok have a completely different outlook on the situation...they feel NO RUSH whatsoever. They know the child is in a safe home now, and will eventually be in yours, so why are these AMericans so uptight?! Grrrrrr! I will not tell you that God's timing is perfect (although it is ;)), but the only word of encouragement I can give you is to be purposeful in your moments with your two older kiddos. Life changes so much when #3 comes around! And also, I liked to find things to do that related to my son in Tland, like journal to him, window shop for him by making a wish list on amazon.com, decorate bedrooms or scrapbooks or whatever. Things that helped me feel connected to him. We're praying that the DSDW board will pick up the pace and you'll hear information SOON! Love, Jen T.
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