Delays and lessons

 We have been at Jr. High camp all week at this wonderful little camp that is pretty much in the center of a mountain. It is one of the most beautiful places I’ve been. It was a great time for our family to get refreshed and spend time together. The people here are great and have gone out of their way to minister to us while we are here. Darryl gets to speak every night at chapel which he enjoys very much.    

  So onto the reason for the post on our adoption site. We don’t have very good cell phone reception here, actually we don’t have any reception here except an occasional spot where the phone will ring but as soon as you answer it the call is dropped. Well, on Monday I saw our adoption agency came up on my caller ID. I was so excited but of course I couldn’t get the phone to keep the call. I thought they were calling to tell us our dates for travel. I finally found one spot near the lake where if I sat on this one rock I could get 3 bars of service on Darryl’s phone. The news was definitely not what we had hoped. They were calling to tell us that USCIS (US government) needs a new form that we had already filled out because they thought we sent them a copy of an original. We did not but there is no way to prove that so we had to fill out a new form and send it to them. If I was home I could do this in 1 day and overnight it and it would actually get to the desk I need it to get to about 10 days later. BUT we weren’t home and I had no idea where the closest post office was to us or how far that was going to be to drive. I also didn’t know if there was anywhere to print the form we needed to fill out. SO this meant about another 3 weeks before we would even expect to hear a date. I spent the next hour on the verge of tears and quite honestly feeling sorry for myself. Here I was in this beautiful place with my family and I felt like on day 1 it had been ruined. It also didn’t help that I had taken Dramamine earlier. I knew with the curvy mountain roads I had to take it. So I was trying to process all of this with a VERY foggy brain.  Well I found a place to print the paper we needed and a post office about 30 minutes away. However then I remembered this paper has to go to a special address and I needed our government case workers reference number which I didn’t have. It was on a piece of paper in the mail at my house and I didn’t have enough cell service to call my mom and get what I needed. I was really starting to get discouraged. SO I tried to put it out of my head for the rest of the day. I went to bed early that night because the Dramamine was still in my system.  I slept for 12 hours that night! I decided to try for some cell service again. As I was walking around looking pretty silly with my phone in the air one of the camp staff informed they have a cell signal booster in their office and I needed to do was walk up to their offices and step inside and my phone would find a signal. That was a huge relief within minutes I had all the information I needed from my mail and the form was on it’s way to the post office with Darryl. HERE IS WHERE GOD SHOWED ME I HAVE SO LITTLE FAITH! I was doing some reading in a book called “The Mission of Motherhood” I have been reading it for a while and decided to finish it while I was here. The chapter could not have come at a better time (obviously God knew this ahead of time and planned it just for me). It was a chapter on getting your kids out in nature to truly experience what God made and to appreciate His creativity. She quoted Jeremiah 32:17 “Ah, Lord God! Behold, Thou hast made the heavens and the Earth by Thy great power and by Thine outstretched arm! Nothing is too difficult for Thee!” God couldn’t have hit me any harder in that moment. I just had to pray and ask for forgiveness for my unbelief. He created all the beauty around me and I was doubting his ability to get us to our little girl. These were just small steps in our journey.  He does not need me to question Him. She also points in that chapter of the book that when Job questions God about his hardships (which were way worse than my little complaints) God answers Job by pointing out that He created the Universe. He didn’t explain Himself to Job He just says (paraphrased) Hey I created the Universe I have a purpose for this.”  WOW, that is all I have to remember in times of my perceived struggles. God is God and that’s all that matters what a beautiful thing to rest in.

One step at a time

    This last week I have been learning yet again that God wants me to let go of control. I like to know how things are going to go, you know what the plan is and every step a long the way. Even with this adoption process I have known the general plan. I knew where the delays might happen and what steps to take. Even the delays were in the "plan". Well this week God has handed us a situation that I cannot have control over. I have been praying about it the whole time but also using google and looking things up. Trying to figure out exactly what the future would look like under this new plan God may or may not have for us. I was on a long run which is about 2 hours for me and I was just talking to God about the process and telling Him that I am okay with whatever happens. Well, obviously I wasn't because I was still trying to get answers as to what the future would hold. Sunday in church our Pastor talked about the difference between walking with God and letting God walk with us. We should be walking with God because that means we are going where He wants us to go not asking Him to come with us on our journey. Well Tuesday night I was praying again and God just seemed to say to me that I needed to let go and take a step of faith. God did this by bringing to mind a movie I saw around Christmas time called "The Star". The movie talks about how God planned everything for Jesus coming to earth even down to what stars were going to be in the sky when he was born and when he died. God set those stars in that pattern from the beginning of time. That's how big my God is and why do I feel He has to tell me His whole plan for my life right now. He's big enough to handle it. I don't need to have the answers I just need to keep following Him.   Something my husband reiterated when he got home but I needed to hear it from God first. 
   So I decided that maybe God is asking us to step on this step for now and that is the only step He is going to show me. I probably won't ever get to see the whole path at once but that's okay He will just keep showing me one step at a time. I am sure I will have to remind myself of this every day but with God's help I will be patiently waiting on the step we are on right now for him to show us the next step.

Why do I get so surprised??

    I'm not sure why I am continually surprised when God meets our needs through this process. We have always felt this was something God wanted us to do so why do I ever doubt or get worried? Probably because I don't have nearly enough faith. After finding out we are on the waiting list I started to worry about what would happen if we didn't raise the money needed at the time of referral. I knew it was about a year away but still it was something that concerned me. Then in one day we had 2 families donate money to help us. Both were unexpected and completely sacrificial. I am so grateful and still somewhat in shock. I am just so thankful that people want to help us. The good news is we just need to raise money for the travel now. GOD IS SO GOOD! People listening to God and being willing to be a blessing are amazing. We will never be able to express just how grateful or how big of a deal this is to u. It not only helps us actually get through the process but keeps reaffirming our faith that this God's plan for our family. When the wait seems long or when times get trying after we pick up our child I will be able to look back and remember how God provided. These time will be a continual reminder that there is nothing He cannot handle for us if we are just willing to trust Him.
   Another lesson I am learning through this is just how little we actually need. I am learning to analyze my purchases. It's really very humbling to realize just how blessed we are to be able to have good food to eat and plenty of clothes to wear. We have never had to go without anything and so many people do. I am looking forward to the day when we have the adoption fully funded and I can start using our money to be a blessing to other people. This adoption process has already been a chance for me to grow in so many ways and we are only 6 months into it. I'm sure that I cannot even imagine how God is going to use this child to change my faith. Adoption is definitely not just about helping a child have a family. It's a process God uses to show us just how great He is and to bring glory to Him.