The Waiting

   So far what I know of adoption is that there is a lot of waiting and that there are SO many ways God shows us that He knows it's hard and is still looking out for us. One of those ways happened about 2 weeks ago. We got the results of her MRI. The results were very encouraging. We found out she doesn't have any tumors. All the extra width in her leg is from tissue and bone. That means she will need surgery but it's so much better than tumors. Getting those results when we didn't expect to see those results until December, if at all, was just huge for us. I can't really even  explain how reassuring that was for us. That was definitely a high but soon after the harder times came back. I am learning through reading other people's blog posts this is pretty normal for adoption journeys. The wait is just really long!
  We are still several months away from actually meeting our little girl in person and I think about her every day. I wonder what she is doing, how she is feeling, and even what the weather is like in Thailand that day. I find my mind wandering to her when I am cuddling with Gavin and Makayla. That's when it is the hardest. I cannot overstate my gratitude to her foster mom for being there for her and taking care of her so she isn't stuck in an orphanage where there are to many babies and not enough workers. However, I often get sad that I am not there to comfort her when she's sick or when she's in pain or hold her hand when she's scared at a Dr.'s appointment. It's partly selfish that I want to be there for her. It also hurts me because I know the longer this goes on the harder it is going to be her to adjust to us and her life here. We are taking her from this kind women who is the only mother she has ever known. I pray hard that the transition will be easy for her not for my own sake but because I literally cannot imagine how a 2 year old (or younger) is going to be able to process what is happening to her. I can handle the tantrums and the acting out that I know she is going to go through but the hardest part is going to be knowing why she is acting out. It's because inside she is grieving the family she had to leave. That kind of pain is just not fair to a toddler.  Don't get me wrong, adoption is a beautiful thing in the end but it's brought about because of pain and heartbreak. Bringing her home is going to emotionally exhausting (physically too but that's like having a new baby). I am so glad I have my Faith in God to lean on during the hard times. I really cannot overstate the comfort that it brings go know we have a Sovereign God. He knows what is happening and He has a plan to bring her home and comfort her. I just have to keep praying. Maybe that's what the wait is all about. Training me for the emotional ups and downs of actually having her home.
  I am asking all of our friends to just pray for us and her. Pray for emotional strength and comfort all around.