Time flies but...

  So, it's been just over 3 years since we went to Thailand and brought home our daughter. It's crazy to think it has been that long! Most days it feels like she has just always been with us. Then I will see one of her baby pictures from before she was with us and long to have been a part of her life during those 2 years all over again. She is perfect for our family. God is amazing - He plans families to come together in some crazy ways.
  You may be wondering why the "but" in the title. Well that's a part of a bigger story. I teach a 6th grade girls Sunday school class at our church. 2 weeks ago we asked these girls to write 3 things they wish we (the teachers) knew about them. We told them it could be anonymous or not that part was up to them. Some were silly, some were interesting, and some were hard. There was one that I just haven't been able to shake. Her note said:
   "I wish I knew my dad. I wish I had never been adopted"
  Wow, this was hard stuff for child. This is hard for me! I can't tell you how long I stared at her note because right there in front of me written by a sweet 11 year old girl were the very words I pray my daughter never feels in her heart. You guys I am afraid that my daughter will feel this way about us and there it was staring me in the face. If every adoptive parent was being honest those are words we all hope our kids don't feel. You see the difference in being told that by a defiant child/teen to your face and actually feeling that way are 2 different things. I fully expect her to say something to that point during her lifetime out of anger. This note was different. This little girl did not write that out of anger she wrote that because it is how she feels deep in her heart. I do not know her specific situation (because the note was anonymous) BUT I do know this - specifics may not matter. There is an overwhelming number of  adopted kids who feel this way and just don't say it out loud. Fast forward 6 years and that note could be written in my own daughter's handwriting. Even though it is one my fears that she will feel this way and an even bigger fear that she will feel this way and not tell us or anyone. This little girl reminded me of what I really need to be praying for... the courage to make safe spaces for our daughter to communicate in. To raise her knowing she can say the thoughts and feelings in those deep places in her heart and know that we will love her no matter what. To help her to know that those thoughts will hurt us but that they still need to be talked about because they hurt her too. I also pray for caring adults in her life that she can open up to. People we can trust to give her guidance when she shares her heart with them. As her mom I pray she does share her heart with trusted adults because I am not naive enough to think any of my children will share everything with me.
  So in honor of orphan Sunday let's all remember while it is a great thing for our churches to celebrate let's also leave room for the not so nice feelings. Let's leave room the child who feels "but I didn't want to be adopted". Let's room for the family that is exhausted because they are foster parents to children that come from some very hard places. If we only celebrate the happy side of adoption/foster care we are missing more than half the pictures. Let's be the safe place where the orphans and former orphans can be honest about how they really feel.

Adoption Home Study

Yesterday was National Adoption Sunday. It was also the first meeting for our home study. The meeting went very well. The questions were what we expected from the paperwork we had already filled out. Both children did very well with few interruptions. Our homestudy worker was very helpful and you could tell she really enjoys her job and has a heart for orphans. We have our second appointment next week and after that it should only be about 2 weeks until the homestudy is complete. Then we get to complete our Dossier and start the process of waiting some more. :)